The host with the most, babe...

I've been emceeing comedy shows for about 5 years now, so let me start this blog post with this disclaimer...NO, I DO NOT KNOW, OR THINK I KNOW, EVERYTHING ABOUT HOSTING; however, over the years I've had a lot of comedians come up to me and ask me advice on how to host. So I assume, I must be doing something right. Which made me start to think about passing on some tips that I've found useful over the years of being an emcee to other comics. So here's a couple quick tips that I've discovered might help out someone who is thinking about hosting or wants to host for the first time. Again, disclaimer, I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HOSTING, but these are a few things that I picked up along the way either from watching other hosts, veteran comics, or learned on my own that I always try to remember while hosting. So, I'd like to pass them along to you in hopes that it points you in the right direction or even helps you discovering your own emcee formula.

Hell, I love talking about comedy. I love talking about hosting. Hosting is a completely different muscle to flex in the stand-up comedy world. It's a mix of actual stand-up, improv, and basic conversation skills. A solid host can double their chances of getting more work than a regular stand-up, especially outside of New York City. What producer or club WOULDN'T want a solid, engaging, respectful, funny host to take the helm of the ship!?

The first thing that I always found myself saying to comics who asked host advice was, "just be present." Be IN the room with the audience. Be AWARE of what is going on around you and the audience. Remember, the whole show isn't about you. You're the host. You're going to be the first person that they see incorporated with the show. You're welcoming the audience into the venue, whether it be a comedy club, a VFW, or a bar. Make them feel comfortable and safe with you. Mention that it's going to be a great show/a solid lineup/a fun night... you know, anything you tell someone on a first date. It's like you invited all these people into your house and you brought along a couple friends (the other comedians) to make sure they have a good time tonight. You're basically going to be the cheerleader for the beginning of the show. You have to bring the energy up and make the audience truly feel that they're in for a fun night! When I host I try to think of myself as 1 part WWE wrestler and 1 part Green Day (you guys ever see them in concert? They're pretty exciting...plus they make huge venues feel intimate) Anyways, with all that being said, get to know the room and audience TOGETHER. You AND the audience are going on this journey TOGETHER, so you want them to trust you and feel welcomed. Get to know certain audience members, ask where they're from, what they do for a living, if they're married, dating, have kids, etc. I've even gone as random to ask an audience member "If Sally Jesse Raphael and Ricki Lake got in a fight, and the winner gets their talk show back on the air, who would win?" (Don't actually get this playful and random until you feel comfortable hosting) Spread the questions around the room, don't just focus on 1 or 2 audience members up front. A lot of people DREAD AND FEEEEAR THE FRONT ROW CAUSE I DON'T WANNA BE PICKED ON. Get everyone involved! Make sure you always repeat someone's answer into the microphone so EVERYONE knows their answer. Remember, you're all in this together now, so everyone wants and needs to know what is going on IN the room WITH you. Give certain people nicknames. You can even have certain stock nicknames in your arsenal. For example, any time I see a table of women with 1 man sitting with them, I refer to them as "The Mormon Sister Wives." The trick is making it seem as if it's happening right off the top of your head in that moment. Be interested, smile and conversational with them. If you're genuine, they're going to go on the journey with you.

Once you start getting answers from the audience, look for ways to camouflage your material around/into/about their answers. Depending on how much time you have up front, fire off the quicker jokes that you might have in your repertoire based of the answers they're giving you. Don't go into a long 4-5min bit, because odds are, if you're on a showcase for a club on the road, you might have to fill some more time between the feature and the headliner. If you don't have to fill time and the comic before the next comic did well, just keep riding that wave of momentum into the next comic... remember, this isn't about you. So if you're talking to an audience member about who they're dating, toss in your quick one liner about your dating life. If you don't have any material about certain topics or professions that the audience is mentioning to you, just say the first thing that comes to your mind. Don't second guess yourself. Whatever your instinct is, go with it. Again, that shows that you're being in the moment and you're being real with the audience. You can be a lot more vulnerable and playful with an audience as a host than you can in a normal stand-up set. 

Last but not least, just have fun up there. Have as much fun as this guy right here...




If it's evident that you're having fun and you're excited to be there then the audience is going to match that AND give even more back to you and the rest of the show. Get comfortable. Smile. Own the stage. As Judge Judy says, "this is my playpen." It's YOUR playpen! You're up there for a reason. You want to entertain people, make them laugh, and help them forget about their problems for the 90mins that they're sitting in that room. This is their night out! They made plans, paid money, maybe got a babysitter for their kids, traveled to the show somehow, probably got a 2 drink minimum, killed a hooker along the way. You don't know! Point is, they're looking for a fun and memorable night. So give it to them.



So. Be present. Be energetic. And have fun.

Now, go bring up the next comic.

An Open Letter To Twitter...

Dear council of @verified,

Hello. My name is Adam Lucidi and I am a comedian in New York City. I perform all across the county at comedy clubs, colleges, fundraisers, etc. I am writing you in regards to request that I be named among the elite known as "Twitter Verified." I'm aware that you get thousands of requests a day from the general public but I have recently been scouring Twitter & the requirements of being Verified. Whoa, I even capitalize the word Verified as if it's a God.

As stated above, I recently looked over the requirements and your support page states:

"Verification is currently used to establish authenticity of identities of key individuals and brands on Twitter. Twitter verifies accounts on an ongoing basis to make it easier for users to find who they're looking for. We concentrate on highly sought users in music, acting, fashion, government, politics, religion, journalism, media, sports, business, and other key interest areas. We are constantly updating our requirements for verification. Note, verification does not factor in follower count or Tweet count."

I am the only Adam Lucidi in the Twittersphere and as a comedian I am creating a brand and fan base of amazing followers and people...but more on that below:

"We don't accept verification requests from the general public, but we encourage you to continue using Twitter in a meaningful way, and you may be verified in the future. Please note that follower count is not a factor in determining whether an account meets our criteria for verification."

This guideline really stood out to me, as I embody it with my Twitter account. I joined Twitter in March of 2012...yes, I was a late bloomer; however, I have used Twitter to create friendships, contacts, & gigs for not only myself, but for other followers. Twitter is about community and being connected to one another. I'm sure that you're already aware but in one corner of your Twittersphere on Monday nights is a revolution of live tweeting from WWE's Monday Night Raw. Or as your trending worldwide section may see it, #RAW. What started as me live tweeting jokes about a television show to my 54 followers has evolved into a ritual every Monday night with my now 2700+ strong followers. I understand that "verification does not factor in follower or Tweet count," which is exactly why I am reaching out to you. I don't have hundreds of thousands of bought followers to impress people looking at my account, I have real people behind my brand. Each with their own unique stories, quirks, faults, AND humor! Twitter has connected me with other wrestling fans who have now become fans AND friends of my stand-up comedy. I've met these people in person (going against everything MTV's Catfish has taught us) and have shared laughs, drinks, dinner, Wrestlemania, photos, shows, etc. 

Buzzfeed writers, Huffington Post editors, & Vine personalities have all been Verified and they do the EXACT same thing that I do...bring people together by humor & common interests. So in conclusion, I respectfully request the council of @verified to review my account and consider helping me expand my brand to bring even more people together through humor...and wrestling. 

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Adam Lucidi (@adamlucidi)

140+

Wow, there's a lot of dust on this blog. Giggity.

I recently hit 2500+ followers on Twitter and I started thinking about how bizarre and amazing Twitter is and can be. A lot of you reading this may already be a follower of mine, and I thank you for showing an interest in another thing that I've shoved down your Twitter feed throat. You've gone through a lot of stuff following me, right? Podcasts, web series, stand-up clips, funny pictures, wrestling tweets, and NOW a blog?! Woof. You're a trooper. 

Which also got me thinking about how I got to 2500+ "followers." I started Twitter in March of 2012. I swore I would never get a Twitter account because ultimately, tweets were just Facebook statuses! Live by the book, die by the book, praise be to Zuckerberg! But I was told and taught that Twitter is a great tool for comedians to have. One of my good friends in comedy, Mike Brown (@YoMikeBrown on Twitter) gave me some tips on Twitter and before I knew it, I was guilted into creating an account. All the cool kids were doing it, so why not throw my hat in the ring!?! Before I knew it, I was immersed deep inside the Twitter hole! Learning how to write short jokes or blurting out a random funny thought that would get a star or a retweet. Following comedy cohorts that I've shared the stage with. Following friends from back home in Pittsburgh. Following podcasts? Following people who don't have real profile pictures? Following people I've never even met!? Wait, what's going on?!!?! I'm addicted. I'm learning social media and being connected to complete strangers. This is kinda scary.

But before long, I found myself live tweeting Monday Night Raw for fun one night...or as some of my followers see it on my feed, "#RAW"...and as others see it on my feed, "that fake gay bullshit"...and as others see it, "QUIT CLOGGING MY GOD DAMN NEWSFEED ON MONDAYS!" I live tweeted Raw because I've been a fan since I was like 11. It was easy to make quick jokes about it. It was fun to feel connected with millions of others all because of a hash tag. Low and behold, the live tweeting grew and grew every week. I started interacting with these "followers" more and more. I started learning about them. I started taking an interest in their lives and caring about them. Hell, I even started meeting them in person! Two of the most amazing people I've ever met, Dennis Holden (@DHAP24) and Kate Hensler (@KateHensler) were the first people I met in person BECAUSE of Twitter. I was asked to be a guest on Dennis Has A Podcast (@DHAPShow) and it was one of the most fun times I've ever had just shooting the shit and sharing some laughs with people I basically just met! How the hell did I know these 2 weren't going to brutally murder me?!! I DIDN'T! But I said, fuck it! LET'S TALK ABOUT THE MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS! We became friends! Wrestlemania season came around and I met up with another "follower" Mary Grater (@mare_bare). We didn't exchange numbers, we didn't text each other. We found each other based on tweeting our locations. And 140 characters later, we were chanting YES! YES! YES! and watching CM Punk rip apart a woman via pipebomb. I found The Steel Cage gang (@thesteelcage) and shared laughs and strokes with them both on air during their podcast and during Raw. I started interacting with more and more awesome people!!

Eventually, I wanted to show my gratitude for everyone sticking with me and hanging out every Monday night to share some laughs...sometimes at WWE's expense. So I decided to do a giveaway. I had an entire Rubbermaid tub filled with WWE action figures so I decided to share the wealth by sending them to my "followers." Anyone who wanted a random action figure just had to send me their address in a private message and I would ship them a random figure. I didn't think it would work. HOW THE HELL DID THESE PEOPLE KNOW I WASN'T GOING TO BRUTALLY MURDER THEM!!?! THEY DIDN'T! But they said, fuck it! SEND US A RANDOM FIGURE. I sent figures basically all over the world. United Kingdom. Canada. Virginia. California. Colorado. North Carolina. All over the place! It was unreal. And I loved doing it. I loved making these people happy!

And we all know that there were some unfollowers along the way and when that happened...

...I called them out on it and wished them all the best in their future endeavors. But eventually I realized, it's not about the people who unfollow you. It's about the people who started following you in the first place and enjoy following you. As a comic, if I can make you laugh out loud or smile without you even hearing my voice, then I'm happy. I want YOU to be happy, make YOU laugh, and connect with YOU. We all know that this world is full of bullshit and I truly hope/want to make you forget that by tweeting 140 characters or less by making you laugh or smile.

Maybe I'm rambling. I don't care. I just felt the need to say this to you...thank you! Honestly. I also want you to know that I don't see you as "followers" I seriously see you as friends. Hell, I care more about you than I do most the people on Facebook...and I've known those fuckers all my life! So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being my friend from the beginning and joining me on this bizarre journey known as stand-up comedy and Twitter.

Jesus. Can you imagine how many tweets this would've taken!?

(500) Days of Fox's Pizza

"Just because a cute girl likes the same bizzaro crap you do, doesn't make her your soulmate."

Truer words have never been spoken. If you haven't guessed by the opening quote, this blog is obviously going to be about a girl. A cute girl. An awesome girl. An awesomely cute girl that enjoys video games, zombies, wrestling, Mt. Dew, AND Taco Bell. Wait a minute...I enjoy all those things too! This should've been a perfect match, no?

No.

Look, I'm not saying that this girl was my soulmate. I don't even think the word soulmate should be used when it comes to relationships. The word soulmate is the type of word used by teenage girls when they're describing their BFF. Totes mcgoats! But what I WILL say is that I felt something that I've only felt once before...something that scared me and something that I haven't uttered to anyone before.

Maybe I should just start at the beginning because this thing goes all the way back to last year. After dating a girl, who we'll refer to as Jigglypuff (the same girl from the blog entry entitled, "Welp...it's me again") I felt a connection that I've never felt before. As time went on, I realized that connection could, and did, blossom into the dreaded L word, "love." So after dating Jigglypuff, I knew what connection I was looking for and didn't want to settle for less. I dated a few girls here and there...nothing. So it was easy to just pick up, move on, and not get caught up. Eventually, I came across the girl that this blog is about. Let's refer to her as, Summer. Seems fitting. 

So Summer and I went out on a date! I went back to the motherland of southwest Pennsylvania, JUST to go out on this date pretty much. She seemed legitimately excited...and nervous. Hell, I was too. So what better way to put us both at ease than surround ourselves with something we both love...video games. We went to Dave and Buster's and I had an absolute blast. Me, on a date, with a cute girl, surrounded by video games?! Hell yeah. How can THAT get any better? Welp, I noticed pretty quickly that I could be myself around her. She understood my humor. She 'got me.' Once again, there was no need to put on "the act" that most people put on during the first date. It was one of those first dates where you just have fun. You enjoy being around the person. I'm a strong believer in it doesn't matter where you go, but who you're with. She whooped my ass in some video games. And I made her laugh, a lot. That's a fair trade. 

Needless to say, the date was a success. We talked to each other a little more, but, as I tend to do, I started to become attracted to her too fast. Timing has never been one of my strong-suits. Summer was in a weird place in her life, with school, dancing, work, and family. There was a lot on her plate and I respect(ed) that. I rushed it. The reason I rushed it was because I felt that same connection I felt when I dated Jigglypuff, so I wanted to try and make time count. God, I hate time and timing! So the texts started to come few and far between then eventually I tapped out and let Summer deal with her hectic life.

Time went on, I kept doing my thing, and Summer and I remained friends. Tweeting, texting, Facebooking. So Summer was always somehow in my peripheral vision. Maybe that's why I never fully got over her. But low and behold, fast forward to the last few months of 2012, Summer and I began talking again and the feelings were still there after all that time, on both ends apparently. I knew I still liked her, but to hear her say that she never stopped liking me either made me happy. I thought to myself, 'hmm, maybe she felt/feels the connection too.' It was always hard to read Summer. She was never really good at sharing her feelings and letting me know what was going on in her head. That lead to me being in the dark most of the time and just having to trust my gut instinct and just go with it. So to hear her say that she never stopped liking me was huge...or so I thought. So once again, the texts began to fly more and more and things were almost right back to where we left off the first time.

I was going to be home for the holidays and I knew that I would actually have a decent amount of time to see her, but the main thing that I was focused on was having her as my date for a New Year's Eve party. You get to kiss your date at midnight on New Year's Eve! Whatta romantic comedy movie moment!! God, I'm sucha sappy, corny, goon. Unfortunately, Summer couldn't get off of work in time to come to the party with me, and instead, I was stuck with a gangly, braced faced, slob with b.o. named Crystal (or Krystal...I bet it was Krystal. That's more disgusting and trashy) hanging all over me on New Year's Eve. Hilarious. But the thing that Summer said to me was almost as good as a midnight kiss. She told me that 2012 was a shitty year for her and that she was so happy and thankful that I became a part of her life. She seemed to be opening up to me and actually shared some real feelings.

I always liked making Summer laugh and cheering her up. Matter of fact, that was my favorite thing to do for/with her...make her happy. Whether it be acting like a fool and yelling for Carl during a Zombie 5K or just texting her a quick laugh to cheer her up when she was having a shit-sandwich day, I loved doing it. So of course I planned on surprising her on Valentine's Day with some flowers and a zombie Valentine's card...yes a zombie Valentine's card! Why wouldn't I?! Oh yeah, that's right...cause I'm usually a bitter little fuck when it comes to all the relationship, engagement, and marriage photos being stuffed down my throat in my Facebook newsfeed. But hell, it was going to make Summer happy...and in turn it was going to make me happy making Summer happy. She deserved it. She's awesome! She loved the flowers...and I think she may have loved the card even more.

But, no matter how much I kept trying to follow my heart and just go with it, I always had the hunch that history was going to repeat itself. It was almost the exact same time of the year that it was last year when her "life was hectic." Again, she had school, teaching, graduating, dancing, jobs, and who knows what else. Did I mention how much I hate time/timing?? So of course I kept worrying that I was going to end up hurt again but I still kept trying to show her how much she meant to me, regardless of the distance and regardless of where our lives were.

Her final dance concert was going to be coming up and I knew that I wanted to finally see her in action. I planned way ahead of time to try and surprise her by just showing up, but I'm apparently an 8 year old kid when it comes to surprises and I spilled the beans before the dance concert, so she knew I was coming...and she was uber excited, and nervous, that I was coming. Hell, I was nervous! So I went, and she was un-freakin-believable! She had so much energy! You could tell she was having fun while she was up there! I was literally smiling out loud while I watched her! 

So what went wrong? I'm not sure.


Maybe it was her. Maybe it was me.

Maybe I fell for her too hard...again.

Maybe her life was once again, hectic. 

Everything from the first time around was still there the 2nd time around...except this time, she was going to be graduating college and starting to build a foundation for an adult life.

I'm already building a foundation. A dream. And I've been out of college for about 5 years now. But the career that I've chosen isn't a traditional 9 to 5 job. I do what I want, when I want. I don't have a "boss" that I have to answer to. I make my schedule. That was still one of the things that scared Summer. The distance. Distance that I know that I could, and would, make work. Not because I had to make it work, but because I wanted to make it work...because I cared about Summer. I tried to show that I cared about her. Like I said, making her happy made me happy.

But Summer apparently couldn't put the same amount of effort into this like I could. So it's not fair to me. I understand that. Again, I respect that. I need to stop thinking that everything is going to work out like a romantic comedy movie. Girls don't randomly realize that she likes a guy while a montage of memories plays in their head while the song The Wallflowers "One Headlight" or some other 90s alternative rock song plays in the background. Girls don't show up at your apartment doorstep after rushing through traffic in the pouring rain while Gin Blossoms "Follow You Down" plays in the background. This is the real world. There's a line in (500) Days of Summer that says it perfectly...

"It's these cards and the movies and the pop songs, they're to blame for all the lies and the heartache."

It's true. We think that relationships can pan out like all these movies and pop songs...but they don't. Sometimes they do. But most times, you end up disappointed and heartbroken. You're left in a wake of pre-chewed excuses. It's not you, it's me. You get strung along. Your brain and heart get played with. They don't realize they're doing it. They don't realize that the things they say ultimately can, and will, hurt you. Summer made me truly believe that she had changed from the first time around. She made me believe that she really liked me.



Welp, I guess I might as well say it since you're still reading this far...the fact of the matter is (and I can't believe I'm admitting this...and typing it) I fell in love with Summer. There's just something about her. I honestly can't figure it out. I guess it's the kind of falling in love that doesn't make sense. The kind of falling in love that gives you a smile waking up to a text from her. The kind of falling in love that would make you drive 5 and a half hours to see her dance her little heart out only to turn around the same night and drive 5 and a half hours back to New Jersey. The kind of falling in love knowing that she would rather have The Zombie Surivial Guide as a gift rather than any kind of jewelry. The kind of falling in love that is simple as just the two of you sitting in your car while she judges your iPod. The kind of falling in love that makes you want to fight for her.

I'm starting to think that kind of falling in love isn't real anymore.

Adam Lucidi has come to terms on the release of love. We wish them all the best in their future endeavors.

Tout Hashtag Raw 1000

I've been a wrestling fan for awhile now. Frankly, it's the one last thing that I have from my childhood that I still try to hold onto. I don't know if it's because I've become jaded or have simply grown up, but I'm starting to become convinced that I should "future endeavor" the WWE from my Monday night routine.


Monday Night Raw celebrated it's 1,000th episode tonight. Something that has never been done for a "weekly episodic" program...believe me, I know. They've shoved it down our throats for years.


"HEY WWE UNIVERSE, DID YOU KNOW THAT THE SIMPSONS, SEINFELD, & THE NBA AIN'T GOT SHIT ON US!"


So of course with the 1,000th episode approaching, the WWE began to hype it up for one of the most historic, monumental, unforgettable nights the WWE FANS, would ever see with a 3 hour long extravaganza!!  


Wait a minute. WWE Legends are gonna be there?? People that we grew up with and watched over the years!!?


The Rock!!!!!!!!!
DX!!!!!
Mick Foley!!!
Brock Lesnar!!
Stone Cold Steve Austin???
Edge??
MAE YOUNG'S HAND SON!!!!!!!!


Odds are, if you've read this far, you're a wrestling fan and want to actually read this. I should also assume that you know what's going on in the current storylines. If you don't, then this is going to be one helluva confusing read for you.


We started the night with the DX reunion! The dynamic duo of HBK & Triple H were FINALLY joined by The New Age Outlaws & a very winded X-Pac. Now, considering that we had the DX reunion (w Triple H included) & Brock Lesnar's response to Triple H's challenge at Summerslam lined up for the night, the creative & logical thing to do would be combine these 2 segments into one. First of all, I dunno who is craving for a Triple H/Brock Lesnar match. There isn't even a real feud here. But yet, WWE makes sure to show us video recaps of shit that happened months prior with Triple H, Lesnar, & the only entertaining part of the mix, Paul Heyman. Secondly, considering that there is no real steam for this "big ol' fight" wouldn't it be smart for DX to be firing up the crowd, having a good ol' time, only to have Brock Lesnar ruin the party and completely decimate DX?? Wouldn't that create some actual heat for Lesnar? Something everyone has been waiting for, the entire DX Army (minus Chyna's man jaw), to be beaten down by one war machine, Brock Lesnar. Cause you know, who is supposed to take Lesnar serious? He got beat by Cena a couple months ago, then "quit." Lesnar's credibility and character has been driven into the ground...and Triple H is going to make sure the tombstone is put into place come Summerslam.


I'm so happy that Mae Young's Hand Son made an appearance. Cause I would often find myself watching Monday Night Raw thinking, 'Hmmm, I hope Mae Young's Hand Son is doing okay. I wonder if he ever made it into community college?' Those are the ridiculous and unfunny segments that WWE comes up with that makes it really difficult for me to defend wrestling when I'm talking about it to normal people. 


And when the fuck did Raw become QVC with Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler!!?!!? The product placement made me want to throw a brick through my television.


"HOLY HELL, SONIC IS HERE DELIVERING SOME TATOR TOTS AND MILKSHAKES. MMMMM!"


"BRAWLING BUDDIES ARE BEING HANDED OUT! MINE TALKS!!" 
Hey assholes, I remember when they were called Wrestling Buddies. Don't try and fake me out.


"LET'S TALK TO CHARLIE SHEEN 8 TIMES TONIGHT TO TRY AND SHOW THE WORLD THAT THE WWE IS STILL RELEVANT!"


"OH YEAH, AND DON'T FORGET WWE UNIVERSE...TOUT! TOUT! TOUT! TOUT! TOUT! TOUT!"


Hey everybody! JR is back!!!!!!!!!! Annnnnnnnnd, now he's gone. Tout. Why!!? Jim Ross made me actually give a shit about Sheamus in a matter of 2mins. He also made Alberto Del Rio sound like an actual contender based off his hunger for gold in a matter of 30 seconds.


You guys remember when Jack Swagger was World Champion? Neither does WWE Creative.


Speaking of champions, The Miz won the Intercontinental Championship. And frankly, I wasn't too confident in The Miz, especially considering the way Bret "The Hitman" Hart (the man who has the charisma of a fire hydrant) introduced him before the match. "AND CHRISTIAN'S OPPONENT...ehh, Miz?" It came off as disrespectful and dickish.


I dunno, maybe I'm being the definition of "a mark" right now. But it angers me that a show that I've watched for so long has gotten worse and worse. Again, I dunno if it's because I'm finally growing up...or if it's because WWE just doesn't care anymore.


I mean, they have to care, right?? That's why the CEO of a billion dollar corporation would put an unstable teenage girl in charge of his flagship show, right!? I mean, we've had William Regal, Teddy Long, Vickie, Ric Flair, Paul Heyman, Eric Bishoff, Stephanie McMahon...hell, even Mike Adamle, John Laurinaitis, and a laptopping leprechaun! A mentally unstable teenage girl is the perfect choice! What the hell was that job interview like!!?


Vince - "AJ, I think you could be General Manager of Raw, what do you think??"
AJ - "Pokemon & silly bands!"
Vince - "You're hired."


Oh, by the way, The Muppets had more screen time than Stone Cold Steve Austin. That's right. The man that revolutionized Monday Night Raw didn't even show up. Maybe Austin has been watching the show & didn't wanna be a part of the shit show. I know how they could've used him though. Stone Cold Steve Austin could've been the huge payoff for The Heath Slater Anti-Legend Killer Variety Hour. But nope-a-dope, we got Lita instead...surrounded by the goon squad barrage we've already seen in the upcoming weeks leading into Raw 1000. Rikishi & Doink, I still love you both though.


So maybe I'm bitter. Maybe this post is just a bunch of random thoughts strung together. Or maybe WWE just doesn't have that same magic that it did when we were younger. Monday Night Raw used to be the cool thing to do. You'd watch it, stay up late, and then talk about what Stone Cold Steve Austin drove into the arena or mimic The Rock the next day at school. Maybe there aren't characters that are as captivating as Austin, Rock, Undertaker, Angle, Jericho, Kane, etc. 


As fans, we know the ins and outs. We start to get smart with WWE's booking and know the outcome of things before WWE does. (I.E. CM Punk's heel turn is going to end by being fed to John Cena) We've always known that it's fake. But it was still entertaining. 


Tonight's 1,000th episode was supposed to be historic. And it was, a historic letdown. I can't imagine how angry I would've felt if this was a PPV and I had to shell out $60 to watch it.


And now, we go into a new era of Raw being 3 hours every week. If tonight was a glimpse of what every 3 hour episode is going to be like, well...


"Adam Lucidi has come to terms on the release of World Wrestling Entertainment. He wishes them all the best in their future endeavors."












Tout.

The Hoboken Chainsaw Mouse-acre

I think of this video, music, and laugh every time a mouse has died in our apartment. I honestly think that I've lost my mind when it comes to mice. Now, before I go on with this blog, for all of you mouse enthusiasts out there, I want you to have 29 mice show up in your apartment in a matter of 9 months, let them shit on your stove and counter top multiple times a day, and then still try and tell me with a straight face that you enjoy mice. It can't be done. I refuse to believe it. Now lemme just say in this first paragraph, I LOVE animals. But I have lost a great deal of respect and love for the mouse community. A part of me is happy that most of them are used as snake food and now any time I think of Mickey Mouse, my left eye twitches. So, fuck mice.

Now some of you may say, "well Adam, why don't you tell your landlord about the mouse rape?" Well reader, we have. And we shouldn't really have to, because our apartment and building is to be exterminated the first Saturday of every month. And guess what, we've lived here for about 2 years, and that has happened, MAYBE twice. So a spray a year makes perfect sense, right?! You see, we rent from a place called Applied Housing. And their slogan is something along the lines of, "Luxury living at affordable prices." But I think it's time for them to update their slogan...their old one seems kinda dated to me. So if Applied management is reading this, here are two options for new slogans. "Applied Housing : Good Luck, fuckers" or "Applied Housing : Office Hours Optional." Pick one...because they both fit your company perfectly.

I'm sorry. This blog isn't supposed to be about bashing an incompetent group of slum lords. This blog is about The Hoboken Chainsaw Mouse-acre. I've lost my mind. I already typed that...but only someone who truly lost their mind would type that twice...I think? I'm going off the rails of a crazy train, is that what it is?! Yes. Yes it is. 29 mice in 9 months. Why don't we get a cat!? Well, I'm allergic. If I wasn't allergic, I would be breeding a Black Ops Cat Team to take care of these little pricks. Why not use poison!? Well, we did that. And my roommate spilled the poison all over her room, then Muttley ate some, and $600 later, we are now forced to go old school. The 94 cent wooden snapping mouse traps. But why not have a little fun with it?

And so, it began.

Mouse #29 - Decided to go into a shopping bag filled with candy and eat my Hershey Cookies and Cream bar. No. Access denied. So, with a swift grab, I spun the bag shut, and slammed it up against the wall multiple times. The real travesty was the Hershey bar could not be salvaged. We will never forget.

Mouse #18 - Caught on a glue trap, and while still alive, was dunked into our toilet, while I yelled, "TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ME"...granted, if he's dead, he won't be able to tell anyone anything. So he better be good at delivering signs to his family from beyond the grave.

Mouse #7 - Caught in an old school wooden trap, and just wouldn't die. This was before we hit double digits in the mouse genocide, so I felt some sympathy for this one. I took an empty Pringles can, filled it up with water, and let him drown.

Mouse #27 - Decided that it was a good idea to sneak around in my room. Not on my watch. I slowly walk towards him and as I locked eyes with him, he was frozen in fear. As if he finally saw the urban legend that he had heard about down at the mouse pub come to life. A quick slam of a shoe to his stupid cranium quickly allowed him to meet his maker.

Mouse #28 - A roommate broke one of my favorite glasses recently. And rather than get upset, I decided that this was a beautiful opportunity to improvise and build something magnificent...like MacGyver. A MacGyver of mouse homicide. So I took the shards of broken glass and strategically placed them in some peanut butter, then set the old school mouse traps around the apartment. Mouse #28 wasn't caught on a mouse trap; however, all the peanut butter was gone, so one can assume that he chowed down on glass chunky peanut butter and it nicked his garbage filled intestines and he internally bled all over his stupid organs.

Mouse #14 - One thing that I've come to love in Hoboken is Molfetta's chicken bacon ranch pizza. Believe it or not, it's a close 2nd behind Pizza Wagon, which is saying ALOT. So if there's one thing that these mice do not want to get in between it's me and chicken bacon ranch pizza. One bold and brave soul decided that he was going to dive right into our pizza box and chow down. I think not. A closed pizza box + held out the window of a 5 story apartment building + mixed with the consumption of a little bit of alcohol = a mouse committing suicide and leaping to his death. Mighty mouse my ass. Suck it.

So where does this leave us now? A strange invention known as Pest Offense plugged into our wall. Apparently, this little gizmo sends out some kind of signal throughout the walls and it causes the mice to lose their minds and move somewhere else. The only downside? It takes 2 weeks for results to be seen. But what happens in those 2 weeks? All the mice that are around will come out from the behind their wall forts. Pest Offense was plugged in on Monday, and by Tuesday morning, 3 mice have come out to meet their makers. And now, as I type this blog, we have a grand total of 34 mice casualties.

So now, you are invested in this story...you are an accomplice, along with all the mouse traps. All with their own names. Grave Digger, The Undertaker, Mouse-acre, Medusa, & Bowser.

If, and when, we catch Mouse #50. It will be placed in a giant box, wrapped with beautiful wrapping paper, a giant red bow, and placed on the doorstep of Applied Housing Company...oh wait, I guess that won't really accomplish anything. Their office hours are optional.

Until then, let the bodies hit the floor...I bet you never thought that I had a dark side like this. Frankly, I blame the shit on my stove. Maybe that's what threw all these psychotic murderous lunatics off the deep end to kill? Freddy Kreuger, Leatherface, Casey Anthony...the list is endless.

Blast From The Past : "this one's for you southwest PA"

I've realized that I have a lot of entries all over the interwebs...both from Facebook and Live Journal, I know I know...I didn't think it existed anymore either. Also, if you want to check out my WebShots page, I still get emails from that from time to time...Anyways, I figured that why not put up some old entries from all these other sites and put it on the blog that matters!? So join me as we take a step back in time to when I had JUST finished moving to New Jersey, about 3 years ago.....

So I've finally put the finishing touches on the apartment here in Jersey and I began to creep around the ol' Facebook and ended up reading my note that I posted back in July about wasting time and being prepared for the unexpected...well before that and on the ride up here, I did a lot of thinking, probably more than usual...and I've concluded that there is only one thing to do to get it all out there in the open, and that is to write yet another blog...

I want to start by thanking the roommates of 217, both old tenants and new tenants, mainly for the fact that in some of my most important years of my life, you were there for me when it mattered and when it didn't...what can you say about 3-4 years of inside jokes, screaming, parties and people who became family in a matter of months? I know what I could say about it...I love you all and I thank you for being my brothers....and sister. Even though we are all on our separate paths right now, I want you to know that the same rule applies anywhere in life as it did in that house...my door is always open, all hours of the night, for you to wander into and bullshit with me.......just make sure the monkey isn't on the door knob

Now as I finish that paragraph, a lot of you might think, "why is he doing this now? He graduated way back in May." Well yeah, but with something as big as this move is, I feel that it's necessary to acknowledge the people who supported me and was a huge part of my life in the years leading up to this move.

Speaking of thanks and being all grown up and graduated, I would like to thank everyone in the Theatre department at Cal, for not only welcoming me in with open arms when I was in college, but for allowing me to come back one more time and performing again with some of the most talented group of performers I've ever seen. Both while being at Cal and graduated, I worked with some of the most creative and talented people that I came into contact with and I wish you ALL the best of luck in everything that you do. There were more than one occasion where I felt more at home with the classes and faculty and students than I did in my own major when I went there. I thank all of you extremely talented actors and actresses for sharing laughs with me and allowing me to be apart of a department that I should have been affiliated with since day one at Cal. BAM!

While driving to New Jersey, I thought of all the love and support that I have behind me throughout this move. Both with very close friends, and by complete strangers. Strangers that I would be serving at The Goose and would wish me luck and "hope to see me soon on television"...now of course they aren't going to see this, but hey...it's my blog, and I can do what I want...

I'm beginning to realize that I have all these opportunities and resources at my disposal, and I couldn't be more happy and more scared at the same time...

As for all the close friends who have stuck with me through all these years, and have shared many things with me, from secrets, to inside jokes, to laughs, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and support that you have given me since knowing you. I now realize that my hometown is something that I will ALWAYS hold dear to my heart, no matter where I am in the country, or the world, because throughout the years, I have seen that there are amazing people in this world who will cheer for you no matter what. I know now that my family and friends are what molded me into what I am today, and as I type this "note", I want you all to know that I love you with all of my heart and will take all that love and support that you gave me through the years and wrap myself in it day after day, night after night, and performance after performance.

If I haven't said it enough yet, I love you southwest PA and I thank you for starting this journey with me, and continuing it with me by my side.