Tuesday, May 18, 2010

You Better Run For Your Fuckin' Life.

Hello again Adamaniacs! So it's 2:30 in the morning and I think Facebook, YouTube, Yahoo, and Wrestlezone has given me all it has to offer for one night, so I decided to swing by the ol' blog.

Tonight was an interesting night. I had dinner with an ex-girlfriend of mine. Now a lot of you might think right off the bat, 'Uh oh! He must still have a thing for this ex.' OR 'I bet that dinner turned ugly real quick.' Well, you couldn't be more wrong for either thought. This ex of mine and I have always been civilized with each other once we broke up (granted, we still enjoy busting each other's chops about a lot of things) but it was still fun nonetheless. The whole story of how we broke up is kind of a complicated one (and if she ever found this blog, and saw that I posted how, why, when, and where we broke up, she may stab me...just sayin')

Anyways, while I was driving home tonight from dinner, I started to think about some ex-girlfriends and crushes that I've had and what has come out of them. Now, when I say "crushes" I mean, those girls that I "talked" to, or the girls that got away...take your pick on which definition you want to go with. The crushes were never Facebook official, so they weren't real...I live by the book, die by the book.

But I digress, I thought a lot about some of the girls that have come in and out of my life and what I've learned from all of them. Now I'm not going to go all the way back to high school or anything...I'm talking about ones in recent memory that have actually made some kind of impact on my life or have taught me a lesson. I feel like getting some things off my chest, without revealing actual names and how and why things didn't work out with these girls. So let's start with a couple examples...

We'll call the first example, Patti Mayonnaise. Now Patti Mayonnaise was a very quiet and shy girl...one that you wouldn't expect to see with me, mainly because we were opposites. She was shy and I was loud and outgoing. It almost felt like that quote from Bruce Almighty, "behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes." That is kind of how I felt about Patti. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't rolling her eyes in anger or annoyance, but it was almost as if she was rolling her eyes while smiling at whatever I was doing, which is awesome. Smiling and laughing is one of the biggest things that I look for in a girl. She has to be able to put up with me. Me being immature, loud, and retarded, and Patti pulled it off well for being such a shy girl. Although she could tolerate it, it was almost as if she wasn't always willing to actually be there next to me while I was being loud, immature, and retarded. Sometimes she just didn't want to join in on the fun. One of the things that I learned from Patti is that sometimes opposites do in fact attract (and I can't believe I actually posted that stupid cliche) but it's true. Mild and meek can sometimes mesh well with loud and outgoing. They balance each other out. So thanks Patti Mayonnaise for being an understanding and awesome balance for someone who still gets a kick out of Tiny Toon Adventures.

Let's call the next example, Carmen Sandiego. Now going along with smiling and laughing, Carmen Sandiego had a very similar sense of humor to me. Not only did she understand my humor, but she could also dish it out...sometimes even enough to baffle me, which was both sexy and frustrating at the same time. Carmen Sandiego had it all, looks, the body, and a big attitude. And sometimes that attitude took its toll. Carmen Sandiego wasn't really all about the corny and cutesy stuff that I like to portray sometimes. Believe it or not, I'm still all about trying to give chivalry a chance and seeing how far it will take a guy...but Carmen wasn't really a fan. Carmen Sandiego was always a strong and independent girl. She didn't like to be patronized or pandered to. Her problems were her own problems and no one else's. There were a lot of times that Carmen wouldn't fully open up to me which just confused the hell out of me. Relationships are supposed to be about being there for each other, no matter what, right?? Well, Carmen was content on figuring out her own problems her own way...that's where the independence comes into play, remember? I said it about her already. Anyways, Carmen taught me that not all girls out there are looking for a compassionate guy. There are a lot of girls out there who are just as independent with a boyfriend, as those without one. It wasn't anything personal against me, that's just how she was brought up. To be strong. And that's probably one of the main things I learned from Carmen, to be strong with whatever life throws at you.

The next example will be called, Angelica Pickles. Angelica is possibly the most confusing girl that I've ever come into contact with, but at the same time, she was also the girl that I felt the most comfortable around out of all the past ones. I could always be myself around her and be completely honest with her. Which is probably a close 2nd to my importance of smiling and laughing. It was a strange case. We were both completely comfortable with each other and things just seemed to be a lot better when we were around each other, at least on my end. We always had fun, always laughed, and could always pump the breaks and be serious when need be. There were a lot of things that I learned from Angelica (one of which, is that you can't trust people...even your best friends at times). But the main things being, is that sometimes things just aren't meant to be. You can try and try and try, but it doesn't really matter if both sides aren't completely into it. Does that suck? Oh yeah, but it happens. You can talk until you're blue in the face and fight for what you want, and what you think makes you happy, but when it comes down to it, sometimes it's just not enough.

All is fair in love and war...and comedy.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Gilbert Gottfriend Carrying A Pineapple.

Hello again Adamaniacs. Lets discuss a current (and wild) event that happened to me lately. This story comes off the heels of a pretty cynical blog I post entitled "And Now It Sucks To Be You Too..."

So I was barking, (a comedy vocab word that means try to sell comedy show tickets to strangers in the street) and some comedians hate the fact that barking exists and to a degree it does suck. A bunch of people walking on the street ignoring you, going out of their way to ignore you, listening to their iPods so they can ignore you, looking at their phone as if they have a text message to ignore you, randomly starting conversations with people they are with to ignore you...well, I think you get the point.

Anyways, I was barking and a woman came up to me and asked me if I take donations, to which I reply "Uh, sure?" Then the woman handed me two Best Buy gift cards. I asked her if she wanted a ticket in return and she said, "No, it's fine, I just want to donate something." And she walked away and went about her day and I put the gift cards in my bag and went about my day, not thinking anything of it. So I went about my Friday and Friday night and then came home.

Saturday morning rolls around, and since there isn't such a thing as "Saturday morning cartoons" anymore, I had some time on my hands. So I decided to check and see how much were on these gift cards, if anything. So I type in the card number on Best Buy's website, and on one of the cards there was $1,000......yeah, $1,000.

I immediately thought that the card was stolen...or there was some kind of problem. So I decided to check the amount on the 2nd card. I type in the number, hit confirm, and low and behold, there is another $1,000.

So now, I have $2,000 in Best Buy gift card. What the hell should I do?? Welp, I told the roommates and concocted a plan to check and see if these cards were legit or not. I gave one of the gift cards to one of my roommates and told them to go into Best Buy and buy a CD.....just to see what happens. Once I got the card back, and saw that there was $985, and saw that my roommate wasn't being arrested, I figured, these cards must be legit. So me and the roommates went into Best Buy and had a mini shopping spree. I let my roommates get whatever they wanted...cause I'm a nice guy, remember? I already said that in that previous evil blog. So one roommate got a digital camera, the other roommate got a speaker system for their iPod, we got an air conditioner for our apartment, and I got Cool Runnings on DVD...along with some other DVDs.

After that mini shopping spree, there is still about $1100 left in Best Buy moneys. But wow, how often are you just given free money?? I don't know who that woman was or what her story was, but the only thing I can come up with is that she was Amish. That would have to be it, right?? Why else would some woman hand out $2,000 bucks in Best Buy moneys unless she couldn't use techology...or hated it. I DON'T KNOW!

Regardless, I thank you random lady in the street for handing me that money...not that you'll ever see this post, being Amish and all. A lot of funny ideas came into my head whenever I found out that I could pretty much do anything I wanted in Best Buy...like buy 12 copies of the movie G-Force on DVD or buy an iPad and never use it and just let it sit on our coffee table at the apartment and when people would come over I would say, "Ohh, excuse me, let me move that iPad out of the way.....oh wait, what's that under my iPad? IT'S ANOTHER FUCKIN IPAD!"

So maybe this event comes in the wake of that depressing post prior to this one. To show that good things do happen to good people and that not everyone in this world is cold and selfish. I have no idea.

But there is one thing I do know, I should have known that it was going to be a strange day when I saw Gilbert Gottfried walking the streets of NYC carrying a pineapple.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

And Now It Sucks To Be You Too...

Well, April has come and passed and that means that The Nostalgic Battle Royal is over. I gotta admit, I had a lot more ideas for it and wanted to actually blog about it pretty much every day...which I think it's good that I didn't do it every day or every other day, because then I had the chance to let you down. Disappoint you. Something that this country and your life is going to be filled with. Disappointment. Now granted, I'm not saying that you're going to go out and drink yourself into oblivion because I didn't keep updating my blog. But, there are going to be a lot more important things in this life that you look forward to, excite you, and you love that just isn't going to satisfy you and make you happy. Where is this blog comin' from? I dunno.

Maybe it's the fact that I am a guy that have lived by the rules my entire life. I've done what I was supposed to up until this point in my life. I studied for tests, I did homework, I was polite, respected my elders...and pretty much an entire list of good deeds/proper etiquette/playing by the rules that I don't feel like typing out. So where does that lead me? Well, it leads me to decent grades and graduating high school. Which leads me to going to college.

College. A word that means debt. And not just debt financial wise, it's also a knowledge and health debt. Cause guess what? A lot of the things in college that are taught, you don't need...ever, ever ever ever. High school was the same way. You were taught things that you would never need, unless of course you decided to pursue that particular field. But who the fuck wants to pursue a job where you need to determine X and the cotangent? Who wants to do something with physics? Who wants to dissect a cat on a day to day basis? Hey...wait, maybe you do want to do those things later in life. So go for it. But guess what? You're just going to be disappointed. Everyone that you come into contact with makes college out to be the most important thing in life. Once you go to college, ALL your dreams are going to come true. You're going to wake up every day and a guy is going to hand you a bag of money and a balloon. It's all bullshit. College is an illusion, plain and simple. It's a place where you go to learn more about yourself and who you are as a person. So why not try and take some money out of it and portray the illusion that you're going to actually gain knowledge while on that journey of finding out who you are?

Don't get me wrong, college was some of the best years of my life. I lived in a great house, with some best friends that I consider my brothers (and sister) to this day. I learned a lot about myself, and I learned a lot about other people too. But it amazes me that college was put on this pedestal and it hasn't gotten me anything. If you've seen my act, you know that I couldn't get a job at Spencer's. How is that possible? I have a degree. I've done what society has told me to do to become, what I thought, was a better person. I have a degree. I'm set for life. How can't I work at a part-time job? Are you kidding me?? That should be my trump card. But it isn't. No one gives a fuck about you in this world and what you've done or accomplished.

Which leads to disappointment. Something that is going to be around for years and years. Guess what? You're in a relationship right now, you're happy as ever. What's gonna come out of it in the end? Disappointment. You applied for this really important job and you're just praying that you get it. You ain't gonna get it. Disappointment is all over the place. No matter what you try and accomplish in life, it's never enough. Ever. Because life isn't fair.

Example. I had a video production class. There were a lot of projects due and there was a lot of work to do in the class. I did it, on time. Maybe mediocre work, but it was still done and on time. There was a kid in the back of the room, that barely, if ever, came to class. And when he did come to class, he slept the entire time. He never knew when projects were due. The only time he knew projects were due, is when the professor would say, "Ok, pass in your projects." To which this kid would respond, "Oh fuck, something is due today?" Needless to say, he didn't finish the class...or even school. But guess what. He's doing just fine in life. In fact, he's doing better than me and a lot of other people that I know that have graduated. He's touring the country right now with a band, and has even performed for troops over seas. Good for him, that's awesome. But, if there's one thing that this example can prove, it's that life isn't fair. Get used to it now. Always expect disappointment to come up whenever it can. No matter what you do, it's not going to be enough.

You've been lied to for years about what's best for you. Santa Claus is watching you, so you better be good. Your face will stick that way if you keep making that face. You need to go to college. I'll never hurt you. I love you. There's a lot of lies out there with disappointment. So the point is, do whatever you want.

If you don't agree with me, to some degree (no pun intended) then fuck you. You've probably gotten what you want thus far out of life, and for that, I congratulate you. But whatever you did to get there and get what you want, lie, cheat, steal, then I'm going to start taking some lessons from you, because nice guys finish last. No one really wants to see the good guy win. The bad guy is the one that is always more animated, more entertaining, and just all around cooler. Maybe I need to be an anti-hero. I dunno.

Debt. Lies. Disappointment. Get used to them.