Saturday, April 10, 2010

Mighty Mutant Teenage Morphin Ranger Turtles!

That's right...we all knew that it was going to come down to this at some point. Today's tag team match up is going to be none other than The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers taking on The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!

Cowabunga, bitches. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were probably one of the best crime fighting teams in cartoon history. Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Ra
phael were a corner stone in almost every kid's life. You watched them on television, had the action figures, and was amazed at the first movie they came out with. If you didn't do any of those things, then you were an asshole kid....or just deprived. I remember always having my Turtle toys fight my Power Ranger toys back in the day...and every now and then they had to team up to take on my Power Ranger villian toys and my turtle villian, those were epic times I lived in. So what do the turtles have heading into the battle royal? Well, they are ninjas...enough said. They have ninja weapons...enough said. Oh, and they are giant fucking turtles...enough said. One of the turtles main strengths going into this battle royal is their movies. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1 AND 2 were both great movies...(Turtles 3, where they go back in time...not so much, AND THEN there was the new computer animated Turtles TMNT, which wasn't too bad) but for the most part, Turtles 1 and 2 were awesome. Especially Turtles 2, I mean, think about got the secret of the ooze, Vanilla Ice singing about the turtles, AND Big Daddy Cool Kevin Nash playing the role of Super Shredder (IMDB that, it's true). The turtles are those rare occassions where their first movie doesn't suck balls. I have a theory that when a television show gets its first movie, the show ends up sucking after the movie. Look at all the other victims that have fallen to this, Rugrats, Hey Arnold, Pokemon, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, among many others...but that's for another blog at another time. Even though we shouldn't take villians into account for this battle royal, Shredder was a pretty solid villian. I mean, he was scary looking AND he could back it up...even if he did have the Foot clan. I think the turtles might a lot more strengths than downfalls. Leonardo and Raphael always had that underlying tension with each other, but when it came down to it, they worked great as a team...Raphael better get his head out of his ass if he wants to take down the Rangers with his totally awesome bros. But other than that, these turtles are going strong in this battle royal.

It's morphin tim
e!! The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers are going to weigh in...and I'm talking about JUST the Rangers we grew up on. None of this Hydro Dino Thunder Space Rangers...all that started happening once they got their first movie, which follows my theory. Anyways, the Power Rangers were right up there with the turtles taking on monster after monster. These Rangers were also pretty much ninjas AND they had pretty cool weapons...not ninja weapons though, shit like axes, swords, bow and arrows, and guns...wait, what!? So the Power Rangers have a decent amount of strengths heading into this as well. First of all, every boy, EVERY boy, thought AND knew, that the Pink Ranger was hott. Though it may not be a significant part to this battle royal, Kimberly still has my heart. The Rangers were just one of those shows that you couldn't wait to watch. It was just an awesome show. And NOW, ABC (not even ABC Family, regular ABC) has decided, for some reason, to put The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on Saturday mornings.....I salute you ABC for being nostalgic and truley important time when Saturday morning cartoons don't exist. The Power Ranger movie was amazing...I mean, c'mon. You have all the things you loved about the show in the movie AND THEN just random people and things you never thought you'd see in the show...Ivan Ooze, that pig bad guy, and Zordon not being a giant head. So where are the Rangers' downfalls? Well, the blue ranger sucked ass...that's for damn sure. And if the Blue Ranger was ever your favorite Power Ranger as a kid, well, then, you are probably gay. At least the show realized that they were being a little racist when they made Trini, the Asian girl, the Yellow Ranger and Zack, the black guy, the Black Ranger. How did they fix that? Welp, when the movie came out they simply just had the black girl be the Yellow Ranger and the Asian guy the Black Ranger. Problem solved. And then there's the all mighty Green Ranger. The Green Ranger was who everyone wanted to be...plain and simple. Everyone wanted that Dragon Dagger, and why wouldn't you?! It was a dagger that played music! Wasn't really any way to play with it other than annoy your parents by playing the same song over and over and over. I think they only way that the Rangers can beat the Turtles in this battle royal is if they have the Green Ranger and the White Ranger in the same room at the same time....if would happen, all the turtles' heads would explode....and probably the Power Ranger's too. So The Green and White Ranger would end up being the winners. But anyways, since we took villians into account for the Turtles, let's do it for the Rangers. Rita Repulsa and Lord Zed...two awesome villians...not to mention you had all Rita's henchmen, like Goldar, who shouldn't have been a bitch in the Power Ranger movie, and who could forget The Putties. The downfalls for the Rangers you may ask? Well, anytime they get hit by someone, sparks fly off of their that's gotta hurt. And the other downfall for the team...having the Blue Ranger as a part of the team.

So what team is gonna come out on top? The teenage mutants? The mighty morphins? They both had awesome toys, awesome movies, awesome television shows. So, for the first time thus far in the battle royal, this match ends in a draw.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Rodent VS. Rabbit

So you should be able to tell where this match up is going in the Nostalgic Battle Royal based on the title of this entry...THAT'S RIGHT, we're gonna throw Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse into a one-on-one match.

Lets take a l
ook at that "wascaly wabbit," known as Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny, without a shadow of a doubt, is one of the best cartoon characters ever to be invented. He was quick witted, had an attitude, and always had a plan. Bugs was/is the face of The Looney Tunes. He's the boss, the leader, the poster child. Although some people might consider Daffy, Taz, Tweety, etc. their favorite characters, Bugs Bunny is by default, the best out of the bunch. I mean, look at how many countless goons Bugs has made fools out of, Elmer Fudd, Daffy, Yosemite Sam, Taz...hell, even the three bears and little red riding hood. Everyone has their favorite Bugs Bunny episode or moment, not to mention, you could always be ready to hear Bugs with his "Eh, what's up Doc?" or him taking a wrong turn at Albuquerque or him even dressing in drag. Bugs has a shit load of movies, including my personal favorite Space Jam (which was a good blog read, if you didn't read it, find it here) and Bugs has so many classic episodes from television. Bugs (along with the rest of the crew) are the lead characters of Six Flags...which is a damn cool amusement park. Bugs is also the face of the company WB...which is going to come into play later with his opponent being the face of the company Disney. So what could hurt Bugs in this battle royal? Well, he dressed up in drag way too much...and didn't really get a significant other until Space Jam rolled around. Bugs also has a pretty long list of enemies, which could cause some outside interference in this battle royal. As far as attitude and quick wit, Bugs might come out on top.

Hailing from Disney World, Orlando, Florida...and wherever Disneyland is...Mickey M
ouse enters this battle royal with cuteness and charm...but did you see Mickey on that episode of South Park?? He has a demented side to of course we have to take that into account for this battle royal. But what else does Mickey bring to the table?? Mickey is in the same boat with Bugs, being the face of the company AND his posse. When you think Disney, you think M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E (he has his own song, Bugs doesn't). Mickey has had movies and television episodes...but who really cares?? When's the last time you couldn't wait to watch a Mickey Mouse cartoon/movie? So Mickey doesn't have that many memorable moments in television and film, which causes a big blow to Mickey's ego. But Mickey has a solid group of followers, Minnie, Pluto, Goofy, Donald, Daisy, which helps Mickey out in the long run, because he knows who his friends are...Bugs doesn't. Mickey strikes me as a family man...he's been dating Minnie Mouse for I dunno how long, AND he owns Pluto as a pet (which if I was Pluto, I would be pissed...cause Goofy is a dog, and he's gallivanting around on two legs and talking and not being owned by anybody). Mickey is pretty much considered the CEO of Disney World AND Disneyland...and when you compare Six Flags to Disney...Disney owns the amusement park crown (except Epcot...fuck Epcot). So the mild mannered and meek mouse just might be able to pull this off in the ultimate upset!

So in this life long controversy, who is gonna come out on top?? They may have appeared together on screen together in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but I could see through their acting...they hated each other. With that being said, along with the always having a plan, having the attitude, and having more memorable moments...Bugs Bunny takes down that red short wearing bitch, Mickey Mouse.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Beans and Cardboard

So The Munsters beat The Addams Family. Let's keep this Nostalgic Battle Royal rolling (because for once, I actually want to blog daily now) for today's match up, I wanna pit two phenomenons against each other...that were allegedly supposed to be worth something by's match up, Beanie Babies VS Pogs

That's right, Beanie Babies...and not just ANY Beanie Baby, I'm talking about the official TY Beanie Babies, you know, the ones that would "only be worth something if they still had that TY tag" What the hell was TY? And why were those tags so important? They were so important, that many people (myself included) got little tag protectors to put over the tags, so they wouldn't get damaged or ripped.....BECAUSE THEN THEY WOULDN'T BE WORTH ANYTHING! OH, and don't forget the actual cases that you could put the Beanie Baby in...and you didn't just put any regular parrot Beanie Baby in those cases, ohhh no, you put the bears in the cases, because THOSE were the important ones...especially that Princess Di bear........yeah, you remember it. So what did you do with Beanie Babies? You didn't play with didn't really trade just, bought them. I remember as a kid, there was one Beanie Baby that I wanted more than any of the was a camel, named Humphrey, and for some fuckin reason, ol' Humphrey, was considered "rare" and was one of the most expensive Beanie Babies.....why? Why?? WHY?! It was a gawd damn camel, IF ANYTHING, that purple platypus should have been the rare one, when the hell did you ever see a purple platypus?! NEVER! But every toy store and Hallmark you walked in to, there he was...not to mention, he had his own McDonald's toy Beanie Baby.....yes, they even invaded McDonald's. So what do the Beanie Babies have going for them entering this battle royal? They invaded McDonald's, they had everyone fooled, and they came with their own cases (which cost extra) to protect them, and I never saw Humphrey in person.

So let's weigh in those circular pieces of cardboard, known as Pogs. Pogs were the shit, plain and simple, and I love hearing older generations talk about their toys, and how
they didn't have much and what not...well guess what, we CHOSE to play with little circle pieces of cardboard, when we OBVIOUSLY had alot better options to play with. Pogs made no sense, what so ever, and they didn't have to. I don't even know how Pogs came to be, they just appeared one day. I don't remember ever seeing a commercial for day, they just showed up. Anyone, anything, and everything could be on a Pog. From The Looney Tunes, to Betty Boop, to a pig with eye balls for legs, ANYTHING could be on a Pog, and it was considered cool. Any Pog with an 8 Ball, skull, flames, peace sign, or ying yang was automatically awesome...and yeah, you might get 3 of the same one, but you put those other 2 in the matches that you played for "keepsies." Pogs, unlike Beanie Babies, had a purpose...whether you just collected them or played with them, they were awesome. Some people just played and kept track of their Pogs, others played to keep their opponents Pogs...if you played for keepsies, you were bold....and a gambler. Then there was the slammers...plastic slammers and metal slammers...and some of those metal slammers, you could break a windshield with, I'm sure of it. The slammers were almost as cool as the actual Pogs. Everyone had their go-to slammer, to use or show off with...mine was the first slammer I ever got...a frog, sitting on an 8 Ball, eating a fly......yes, a frog is kinda girly, but fuck you, there was an 8 ball on it, so it was cool.

So in this round of the battle royal, who is gonna take it? The multi-colored animals known as Beanie Babies OR the multi-colored discs known as Pogs?? You collected them both, you played with one group of them, while the others sat around. Neither of them are worth anything now...except an entry in a blog! I'm pretty sure that this one seemed one sided from the this round goes to Pogs.