Tuesday, June 3, 2014


Wow, there's a lot of dust on this blog. Giggity.

I recently hit 2500+ followers on Twitter and I started thinking about how bizarre and amazing Twitter is and can be. A lot of you reading this may already be a follower of mine, and I thank you for showing an interest in another thing that I've shoved down your Twitter feed throat. You've gone through a lot of stuff following me, right? Podcasts, web series, stand-up clips, funny pictures, wrestling tweets, and NOW a blog?! Woof. You're a trooper. 

Which also got me thinking about how I got to 2500+ "followers." I started Twitter in March of 2012. I swore I would never get a Twitter account because ultimately, tweets were just Facebook statuses! Live by the book, die by the book, praise be to Zuckerberg! But I was told and taught that Twitter is a great tool for comedians to have. One of my good friends in comedy, Mike Brown (@YoMikeBrown on Twitter) gave me some tips on Twitter and before I knew it, I was guilted into creating an account. All the cool kids were doing it, so why not throw my hat in the ring!?! Before I knew it, I was immersed deep inside the Twitter hole! Learning how to write short jokes or blurting out a random funny thought that would get a star or a retweet. Following comedy cohorts that I've shared the stage with. Following friends from back home in Pittsburgh. Following podcasts? Following people who don't have real profile pictures? Following people I've never even met!? Wait, what's going on?!!?! I'm addicted. I'm learning social media and being connected to complete strangers. This is kinda scary.

But before long, I found myself live tweeting Monday Night Raw for fun one night...or as some of my followers see it on my feed, "#RAW"...and as others see it on my feed, "that fake gay bullshit"...and as others see it, "QUIT CLOGGING MY GOD DAMN NEWSFEED ON MONDAYS!" I live tweeted Raw because I've been a fan since I was like 11. It was easy to make quick jokes about it. It was fun to feel connected with millions of others all because of a hash tag. Low and behold, the live tweeting grew and grew every week. I started interacting with these "followers" more and more. I started learning about them. I started taking an interest in their lives and caring about them. Hell, I even started meeting them in person! Two of the most amazing people I've ever met, Dennis Holden (@DHAP24) and Kate Hensler (@KateHensler) were the first people I met in person BECAUSE of Twitter. I was asked to be a guest on Dennis Has A Podcast (@DHAPShow) and it was one of the most fun times I've ever had just shooting the shit and sharing some laughs with people I basically just met! How the hell did I know these 2 weren't going to brutally murder me?!! I DIDN'T! But I said, fuck it! LET'S TALK ABOUT THE MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS! We became friends! Wrestlemania season came around and I met up with another "follower" Mary Grater (@mare_bare). We didn't exchange numbers, we didn't text each other. We found each other based on tweeting our locations. And 140 characters later, we were chanting YES! YES! YES! and watching CM Punk rip apart a woman via pipebomb. I found The Steel Cage gang (@thesteelcage) and shared laughs and strokes with them both on air during their podcast and during Raw. I started interacting with more and more awesome people!!

Eventually, I wanted to show my gratitude for everyone sticking with me and hanging out every Monday night to share some laughs...sometimes at WWE's expense. So I decided to do a giveaway. I had an entire Rubbermaid tub filled with WWE action figures so I decided to share the wealth by sending them to my "followers." Anyone who wanted a random action figure just had to send me their address in a private message and I would ship them a random figure. I didn't think it would work. HOW THE HELL DID THESE PEOPLE KNOW I WASN'T GOING TO BRUTALLY MURDER THEM!!?! THEY DIDN'T! But they said, fuck it! SEND US A RANDOM FIGURE. I sent figures basically all over the world. United Kingdom. Canada. Virginia. California. Colorado. North Carolina. All over the place! It was unreal. And I loved doing it. I loved making these people happy!

And we all know that there were some unfollowers along the way and when that happened...

...I called them out on it and wished them all the best in their future endeavors. But eventually I realized, it's not about the people who unfollow you. It's about the people who started following you in the first place and enjoy following you. As a comic, if I can make you laugh out loud or smile without you even hearing my voice, then I'm happy. I want YOU to be happy, make YOU laugh, and connect with YOU. We all know that this world is full of bullshit and I truly hope/want to make you forget that by tweeting 140 characters or less by making you laugh or smile.

Maybe I'm rambling. I don't care. I just felt the need to say this to you...thank you! Honestly. I also want you to know that I don't see you as "followers" I seriously see you as friends. Hell, I care more about you than I do most the people on Facebook...and I've known those fuckers all my life! So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being my friend from the beginning and joining me on this bizarre journey known as stand-up comedy and Twitter.

Jesus. Can you imagine how many tweets this would've taken!?