Monday, November 22, 2010

Four Loko...A Literary Review

Welp, tonight was the night. I became a full fledged douche and tried a Four Loko. That's right. That drink that has been banned in NYC. Whoa, I'm a rebel.

Now, I've been curious about what Four Loko was all about. Especially after I was home for a visit and went down to good ol' Cal U of PA to visit some friends and saw that everyone was drinking a Four Loko...meanwhile, I have a 40oz. I'M SUCH A SQUAAAARE!

So Surge, I mean, Four Loko is the equivalent of 4-6 beers? I dunno exact numbers. I'm apparently not up with the times, remember? Mix that with some caffeine and whatta got? College students being hospitalized and having some insane hangovers. Whatever happened to the good ol' days where you just did a bunch of shots, drank beer, and played drinking games? Oh wait, college kids still do that?? But now Four Loko has invaded.

From all the people I've talked to about these things, NOT ONE person has talked about how they were good. I've gotten some weird/funny reports on them, but no one ever said, "oh man, they are so tasty." Comments I got on Four Loko were..."it tastes like bull urine," "it tastes like pure gasoline," and "it just tastes like all the shit people pour into the bowl for Captain Dickhead."

But I still tried it...and I couldn't finish it. L7 weenie! I had the fruit punch flavor. I drank about half the can and just couldnt muster up the strength to drink anymore of the terrible flavor. It tasted like wine mixed with beer and pop. Three things that I enjoy all mixed together. So how could I NOT like it?! Three things that I enjoy have been mixed together before, and I've loved it. Perfect example, the KFC famous bowl.

I dumped the rest of the Loko out in the sink and it reminded me of the ooze from Ninja Turtles. $4.28 spent just to confirm that all the rumors of the drink being awful were true...and to get a small buzz.